so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
