My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
