I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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