he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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