...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
