NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
