Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
