we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
