The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
