We're like a lot better than the average bears
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
