I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
