Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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