i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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