Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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