so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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