i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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