just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
