Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
