he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
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I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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