You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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