ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
