All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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