Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
