Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Terrible idea I love it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
