how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
