Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
