Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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