things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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