Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
