So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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