yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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