if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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