i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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