I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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