i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
