Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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