We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
