I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
