It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
