He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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