some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I want a musical about memes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
