my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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