two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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