I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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