I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
