i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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