Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
