im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
