As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Randomize
