I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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