why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
