I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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