My room smells like vodka and shame
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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