I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
