so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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