hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
