one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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