I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want to make out with him forever
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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