GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
