He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
