i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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