I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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