I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
