You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
