I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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