you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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