Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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