my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
