Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
