oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
