i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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