I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
