There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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