i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
