Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
