Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
