So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
