He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
