I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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