I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
